A good friend of mine has always asked me to get a PCR test the day before visiting her. She's not immunocompromised, but has some physical limitations and mobility issues so going to doctors or needing to stay in the hospital is an extremely stressful situation for her.
Anyhow, I live in the Boston area where we always had free PCR testing. Unfortunately that test center shut down last month. The alternatives seem to be urgent care centers, CVS, or hospitals. I think you need to have symptoms for insurance to cover it (and I'm guessing there are co-pays). Partly because of this strict testing demand, she doesn't get many visitors. Rapid tests aren't sufficient for her. She is adamant that she can't get COVID. It is starting to feel like I'm doing all these crazy accommodations for this person that are sacrifices from my point of view.
It seems like unless I find some other system for getting a no-questions-asked PCR test, which seems to be requiring a bunch of legwork at this point, I just have to tell her she needs to accept that she's made it so people can't visit. I can also offer to see her in a few months when it warms up and we can sit on her porch. I'm already starting to feel resentful about it.
Edited to add: I'm wondering if *generally speaking* there are limitations or drawbacks from going through insurance to get a PCR for a non-urgent reason (besides likely co-pays). I know insurance coverage varies a lot but it seems like something I wouldn't want to do for a frivolous reason.
I'm sorry you're going through is. I have 2 ideas. One, is she willing/able to pay for your PCR if insurance won't? Or would she accept a few days of negative antigen tests and then you both wear good masks at her place?
She's asking a lot of you, and it's okay if you don't want to meet those demands. If people don't meet my expectations, I don't meet up , i.e. aunt who hangs out indoors with unvaxxed can't come inside my house. But that's on me and I don't blame or guilt her for her choices.
Ack?!
Sorry DB, don't have any advice, other than to avoid this super spreader.
It sounds like she is asking too much from you but it depends on other things. Does she leave the house at all? Does she go to shops, or get things delivered? Does anyone else visit her?
You may not like my answer; be forewarned!
My friend told me she was wearing a mask and isolating and never let it slip that she was instead visiting all of her other friends and started going to movies and events as soon as the retrictions opened up. One day she said that COVID was over, and I said what are you talking about and gave her stats... and she let it slip she had been back to being a social butterfly. (She knows I check the stats nightly and knows my medical status as well ... and still did that. I had a big cry and refused to answer the phone for quite some time. It really hurt)
When we did speak, she was apologetic and I said she should have told me at the very least and let ME choose. I told her I did make a choice... not to see her and when I did I wore a mask. In summer we sat outside. We are still friends and she knows I am still wary. She was my best friend and the only person other than my son who I let in the house for 3 years. I can't help but be wary and feel slighted and somewhat betrayed.
She also did not get the bivalent when she was eligible because she was concerned more about getting it just before a trip. I had no idea because she said she had an appointment when I asked her about it. She neglected to tell me until months later that the appointment was scheduled for months later.
She got COVID and had a snotty nose. I am much more severely immune-compromised now after getting COVID. All of my autoimmune illnesses were exacerbated, although somewhat abated now, and I have many lingering issues. I also, lucky me, acquired a new autoimmune disease ... as inflammation is one of the Hallmarks of COVID/long COVID... EVEN in less severe cases, which mine was.
We have had our ups and downs and forgiven each other for everything. She is really quite a good friend other than this issue, although I have a feeling it will never be the same. I am pretty sure she thinks my requests are frivolous as well... and possibly feels resentful. (I would hope not, but who knows. Resentment festers unless you talk about it. Friends should be able to do that. If not, there may be a bitter end.)
As a final thought, I set the marker for my own protection and she, and you and your friend, will also do what you have to do. Just remember that relationships are never perfect. Empathy, forgiveness and truthfulness keep them healthier. Also keep in mind that COVID is not over and 2 more virulent strains are vying to take over. You might find yourself in the same boat as she is before too long.